Gah.

Looks like I need to start looking for a new job.

Seems like nothing I do is ever good enough.

I thought I did well with the bathing dogs, but I found out that Stephanie, the groomer I was bathing dogs for didn't think so. She didn't want me to come back. She was fired last week for being rude to a customer and some other stuff. Julia told me groomers are a pain in the ass, but idk. I just feel like i've failed once again.

But she said to put some applications in at some other places because she honestly doesn't know where to put me right now; basically i'm on standby. I told her I wouldn't mind working in the back again, but she said I don't do a good job back there. She also said even Sarah's getting to the burnout point; I knew it would happen. She doesn't blame us; that kenneling would get old like that. It would take a person like my dad to work back there for a long time. (he delivers the same mail to the same houses everyday, etc. and he's been doing it for years.) Maybe I just don't have the commitment.. or work ethic.. or something. I don't know. I'm just not good enough.

But Julia told me to put her down as a reference and she'll give me an 'excellent' reccomendation. I don't know why she's going to lie.. or at least that's what it sounds like but I guess I understand. She knows that kenneling is not a long-time job I guess. I've worked there on and off for two years now. As much as i'm afraid to leave and start at a new place... I might just have to. That's another reason why I haven't quit; I'm afraid to start over. Julia, Kathy and most the other employees at this place are really easy-going. It's not a hard job, it's just the commitment to continue doing the same thing and the same amount of effort (make sense?? o.o) every time you're there. I guess that goes for anything, but.. x_x;

Anyway..

Yesterday I went to Nashville and met part of Jeff's family; his mother, great grandma, some cousins, etc. T'was pretty cool I guess. I came home around 2ish and then Batinna texted me saying she was with the twins and wanted to hang out for a bit. Honestly I thought that was awesome, because I miss Batinna. T.T So we got into Lea and Leanne's car outside my house and just talked for a while. Before that I had been crying, because I hated how much I hurt Jacob and how I was to him; I didn't think he deserved someone like me and I'll probably never forgive myself for what I've done to him. Being in relationships isn't for me, it seems. x_x

So after a while I texted 'goodnight' to Jeff and he ended up calling me instead saying that he heard some bad news earlier; one of his friends just died. He was crying, so I decided to go back over there and comfort him; ended up spending the night. (nothing happened, don't think like that. In fact, we barely spoke all night because he was so sad) So I left around 11 and now i'm home feeling like a failure because of work. -sigh-

I'll probably stay home today. I've barely been home lately (at least at nighttime)

But another thing that pissed me off today was my mom saying, "we need to know where that car is at night." I know its not true but it felt like they cared more about the car than me. She said afterwards she'd like to know where I was, but why did she have to say that second? My dad did the same thing a few months ago and I felt like he only cared about that car. :/ Idk. I've had so effing much on my mind lately its killing me. I've never been so stressed.

I want to update my stories, but all these things on my mind prevent that. Sorry.

Maybe i'll write a new one about how my life is right now (base it off of that) but I know what happens when I do that.

T.T