I need a new job..

Gah.

Looks like I need to start looking for a new job.

Seems like nothing I do is ever good enough.

I thought I did well with the bathing dogs, but I found out that Stephanie, the groomer I was bathing dogs for didn't think so. She didn't want me to come back. She was fired last week for being rude to a customer and some other stuff. Julia told me groomers are a pain in the ass, but idk. I just feel like i've failed once again.

But she said to put some applications in at some other places because she honestly doesn't know where to put me right now; basically i'm on standby. I told her I wouldn't mind working in the back again, but she said I don't do a good job back there. She also said even Sarah's getting to the burnout point; I knew it would happen. She doesn't blame us; that kenneling would get old like that. It would take a person like my dad to work back there for a long time. (he delivers the same mail to the same houses everyday, etc. and he's been doing it for years.) Maybe I just don't have the commitment.. or work ethic.. or something. I don't know. I'm just not good enough.

But Julia told me to put her down as a reference and she'll give me an 'excellent' reccomendation. I don't know why she's going to lie.. or at least that's what it sounds like but I guess I understand. She knows that kenneling is not a long-time job I guess. I've worked there on and off for two years now. As much as i'm afraid to leave and start at a new place... I might just have to. That's another reason why I haven't quit; I'm afraid to start over. Julia, Kathy and most the other employees at this place are really easy-going. It's not a hard job, it's just the commitment to continue doing the same thing and the same amount of effort (make sense?? o.o) every time you're there. I guess that goes for anything, but.. x_x;

Anyway..

Yesterday I went to Nashville and met part of Jeff's family; his mother, great grandma, some cousins, etc. T'was pretty cool I guess. I came home around 2ish and then Batinna texted me saying she was with the twins and wanted to hang out for a bit. Honestly I thought that was awesome, because I miss Batinna. T.T So we got into Lea and Leanne's car outside my house and just talked for a while. Before that I had been crying, because I hated how much I hurt Jacob and how I was to him; I didn't think he deserved someone like me and I'll probably never forgive myself for what I've done to him. Being in relationships isn't for me, it seems. x_x

So after a while I texted 'goodnight' to Jeff and he ended up calling me instead saying that he heard some bad news earlier; one of his friends just died. He was crying, so I decided to go back over there and comfort him; ended up spending the night. (nothing happened, don't think like that. In fact, we barely spoke all night because he was so sad) So I left around 11 and now i'm home feeling like a failure because of work. -sigh-

I'll probably stay home today. I've barely been home lately (at least at nighttime)

But another thing that pissed me off today was my mom saying, "we need to know where that car is at night." I know its not true but it felt like they cared more about the car than me. She said afterwards she'd like to know where I was, but why did she have to say that second? My dad did the same thing a few months ago and I felt like he only cared about that car. :/ Idk. I've had so effing much on my mind lately its killing me. I've never been so stressed.

I want to update my stories, but all these things on my mind prevent that. Sorry.

Maybe i'll write a new one about how my life is right now (base it off of that) but I know what happens when I do that.

T.T

On Vacation..

I'm here in Virginia at my Aunt's new house. (She's had it for a while, I just havent seen her in two years.)

So we saw my brother Chris today. I didn't even recognize him at first! o_o

We got a family picture :)

Bt what was bothering me today was my dad. I want a little snack and he scolds me for being hungry! I hadn't eaten in like five hours before that. Meanwhile, Patrick was over there munching on some Pringles and he didnt say anything to him. So two hours pass after we saw Chris and I ask if we were going to stop for a bite to eat since Patrick asked that earlier and never got an answer. I wasn't really hungry, but I was curious. So when we got back to my aunt's house (where i am now) she offers some food and my dad just HAS to comment saying "oh, that was the first thing she asked about; katie go eat, youre hungry."

I feel like my dad doesn't like me much.

Whenever I try to talk to him he's always looking at me like i'm crazy or something!

Geeze i'm tired of this. I'm glad my mom came because if she didn't, I would not have come.

Off to Gettysburg tomorrow... I hope I see a ghost.

o_o I was freaking emo!

Currently Daughtry By Daughtry Feels Like Tonight see related

Writing craze..

Crazy Weeeeeek

So obviously I haven't been updating lately... I feel kind of bad because now i'm not going to remember anything later on. TK's been putting weekly updates in hers.

So what's been happening? Um... I've gotten back into writing and fanfiction. I'm currently writing like three different stories, some a little more important than others. I'm glad that people actually like them and review them. That makes me happy... ehh... the semester is almost over but im a little worried about grades... i hope they dont suspend me because i FINALLY get to take a Japanese class after YEARS of waiting... etc.

Uhhh, I have to say this past week and a half was very hectic to say the least; Lets see.. Jeff apologized again for being an asshole back when i was like 15 (2004/2005). I think this time he means it because when i saw him he definitely was different from how he used to be (minus the smoking part, still dont like that) but he's pretty cool to hang out with. Jacob doesn't really like him because of what he did to me back then but its like... too long ago for me to dwell over. Jacob said he actually wanted to talk to him yesterday and tell him why he didn't like him... kinda like a calm little talk or w/e. However, i ended up deleting Jeff's number and telling him about it... he was mad... i hated it, but... x_x i didnt know what else to do. I would've liked to be friends; he knows that i dont want to be with him and he doesnt want to be with me either; he just wanted to redeem himself i guess... i forgive him, i really do. And if he's lying about anything.... then thats his own problem i guess (even though i dont see it) because I really think he's trying. It'd be a shame.

Also, there was a group project that we've had all semester so my group was meeting up every other day to get it done last minute. That was heck. With work, i've really been feeling the pressure. They know i'm sick of working in the back (kennelling, etc) and it shows. There's a new girl (actually about three new girls) that came in and did a superb job making the place spotless or w/e... and all of a sudden im just pushed aside. they gave me random vacations, which in a way was good, hired like three new people... which only made me worried because then it'd be easier to let me go. Instead, Julia asked if I wanted to do Bathing instead and get 'proper training' in that. (I was so pissed when the new girl had to 're-train' me with kenneling... omg after two years of working there its like... grrr, not her fault, but still) I knew how to bathe, they just wanted me to do as well as Jennifer did. I guess they don't think I can do anything anymore. Any other place would've just fired me... so i guess this is just a chance to show them i can still work... or something...

In other news... TK's with Neal (aka god xDD). It's really cute!! ^-^

I've also realized that I subconsciously write stories closer to me than I think. I say its not based off my life, which its not, but then things that I wrote in the story tend to happen to me. (-points to Spotlight-) umm... yeah. weird.

...Um... basically... I love Jacob and I do want to make him happy somehow... but i just dont know what to do...

<33

MTAC 2009: epicness..?

For MTAC I dressed as Xion from KH 358/2 days and Namine. A few people recognized me (she's kind of new). I hung around the KH fans (of course xD) and took tons of pictures. Lea and Leanne actually came up from Florida (AWESOME!) which made me so happy. I think they're coming back in a few weeks.. not sure... i'll probably be on my vacation.

At the rave, I couldnt take the mustiness.... so i think i was only there for an hour and a half in all. I was jammin... i have to admit it wasn't as fun as last year when we had everybody all in the same area (friends), but it was still cool.

Random hugs are nice.